Sometimes we just have to stop to learn key life lessons. I have just had such a period, painfully chaotic and wonderfully illuminating in hindsight, having faith that chaos will become hindsight is ground on which resistance or acceptance grows.
Sometimes chaos has to be allowed, the only way to fight chaos is to fall silent and wait, even if you feel you are losing everything.
To watch closely ones own disfunction in agonising presence can be extremely illuminating, but certainly the discomfort can be alienating, confusing, disorientating and frightening.
Staying present in our own delusion can be the most confronting action a human being can take.
We spend inordinate amounts of time and energy resisting what we don’t want to happen and what we don’t want to feel.
We project our life’s goals like a movie onto a screen, we project the ideal and rarely do we project the potential reality for the opposite and it’s challenges.
Sometimes when we resist our own darkness that opposite can come flooding in like a burst river bank, filling the mind with fear of loss and the potential for oblivion.
We have less control than we believe and that’s an uncomfortable truth that gnaws at our sense of wholeness.
It’s a truth that often leads to us disowning or cutting off from our own wholeness when true challenge strikes.
We fail to see that at times challenges such as injury or sickness are in fact an important lesson that we need to listen to in order to stay on track with our life’s purpose.
Belief and ideology can be a destructive illusion and they can take us well off track when we allow them to infiltrate our sense of wholeness and stability.
I don’t believe in ideology.
As soon as I believe in something I preclude myself from it’s opposite.
In life nothing is solid, nothing is so without its opposite. Nothing is what it seems, even if it is, it doesn’t stay that way for very long.
Resistance to what is, that is the antimatter that slams us into reverse. No matter how awkward, how painful, how uncomfortable or how untrue, we must allow it. Awareness demands ruthless attention.
I have spent many years exploring my own internal condition and it brings a very profound truth.
No matter how uncomfortable the internal world becomes I refuse to look away, I refuse to turn the cheek or run away. I must own my disfunction and so must you, it is our responsibility, resistance can only bring weight.
Dark thoughts only become an illness when we resist them!
When we refuse to look at them, express them, give them their place and let them have the space, as a society we are taught to avoid the dark which is the shadow of the light.
I am convinced that mental illness is pure resistance to our own opposite.
We are all made of two parts, the yin and the yang man, the opposite in equal parts.
So our potential for success is balanced by our potential for failure. The potential for good is balanced by the potential for bad.
The mind is a pure reflection of this profound reality.
We can’t have the potential for sanity without the potential for insanity, the potential for happiness without the potential for sadness, the potential for enthusiasm without the potential for apathy, the potential for ecstasy without the potential for depression.
If we have a rationale mind we also have the potential to follow the mind into pure delusion.
When we cut off from the dark side of our subconscious, what we hide grows in strength, it gains power in the dark and starts to spill out into the conscious devouring the light, and as life grows darker we believe that we are somehow fundamentally flawed.
We are not flawed, this is perfect grace in action.
The road to clarity is paved with discomfort.
To stop bullshitting ourselves that life is a garden to be harvested, life is harvesting us, that is the truth of it.
Waking up to the clear path of understanding that all possibilities are possible and that silence is its pure expression.
Only mind creates the movie that plays on the screen. Actors in a movie on the stage we know as the outer world.
This does not mean we need to wade constantly through the myriad of suffering, no, only to pay attention when it comes! To move to the position of the watcher, to observe, to pay it its due, to provide it the path it needs so it can travel through us and not get stuck in the mind and the body.
I refuse to add to anymore subconscious content.
I am as much the way out as I am the way in. The truth and it’s opposite, perfectly fluid and moving just the way it does, just the way it should be, just the way it is.
No light is so light that darkness cannot appear.
No dark is so dark that light is not also near.